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August 6th, 2008
11:02 am
i had about 10 grapes at about 4 am, then two carrots carrot juice at 7, and one carrot, one apple, and ginger at 10:30.
i've had energy all day, and dont feel mentally slugglish anymore.
i did 15 minutes of cardio, which consisted of me jogging, walking, and jumping around the house. i jogged most of the time. all my muscles feel wonderfully oxgenated and tingly from stimulation.
i no longer feel weak.
i drank a gallon of water yesterday and aim to do that again today.
i've got this really great playlist that i've put together to motivate me to move on from my past, along with the one i've been listening to which reminds me of mistakes i've made in the past and mistakes i can make, so i dont make them and helps me accept those things i cannot change (the decisions i've already made, in the past) and help the outcome to be a better one, accept that things are the way they will be irregardless of my actions, or move on from my concern with the matter at all. that playlist consists mainly of alanis morissette.
i still live in a mild constant state of anxiety, because i'm always feeling like there's something to do, something to improve, something i'm forgetting, something i should be doing, something i'm missing out on. i've trained my mind to live in this state, unconsciously. i just have to retrain it to be content with where i am, or do something about it, instead of thinking about it, getting myself worked up, and stuck in a mixed state of anxiousness, incompetency, and negative self image, which results from my thinking i'm lazy, cowardly, or undeserving of happiness.
i will be content with where i am, or do something about it.
like, instead of beating myself up for procrastinating everything, feeling like shit for procrastinating, and then, not feeling like doing it, or doing it in a very self-loathing state, i'll start just doing the things i've procrastinated.
it really begins to feel much better once i've done something about what is worrying me, or taken some weight off of my "should-do" workload.
imagine how it would feel if i didnt wait to do anything and just did everything i had to do, as soon as i could. i wouldnt feel guilty at all, because i would have absolutely no reason to!!!
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03:41 am - 3:37
if i pay attention to how i feel, i feel weak, but if i can distract myself from how i feel by absorbing myself in reading, i forget to feel myself feeling weak.
i could try to go on like this a couple of days, or i could juice.
juice.
my body needs to be in a much better condition before i take on something intense like this.
it's decided. i'm stopping.
i have problematic mental/emotional issues i'm still getting through, i cant sleep, this isnt good for me, not now, later on down the road, maybe.
i started feeling very anxious, and hallucinatory. i just want the day tp hurry up and come so i can see sunshine and drink juices.
if i hadnt learned so much about coping and coping skills, this experience could have been a disaster. i am just not letting my imagination go, i have control!
i went down stairs just now and got a handful of grapes and washed them. i am noticing now that this really wasnt a good idea. my paranoia/ocd thought patterns crept in and got me thinking about maybe i shouldnt eat the grapes because they'll have pesticides on them even if i wash them really well the tap water has chlorine in it.
i wish it wasnt so expensive to eat all organic. i want to eat all organic.
i think i'm going to mention to granny and granddaddy later on about buying a tap-water purifier. i dont recall what they call those things.
i've accomplished the appreciation of taste and the sensitivity of my body and my attunement to it. i fully recognize the value of food, as it trully should be valued, and that is as our life-fuel, as nourishment, and nothing else.
i dont think i'd ever taken so long to eat a tomato. and i know i've never taken this much time and effort to savor and appreciate a handful of grapes.
it's now 4:12.
i ate probably about 10 grapes for at least 12 minutes. probably longer, i just didnt look at the time. but, i know it was before 4.
two more hours and i can go down stairs and have a juice. i'll have a carrot juice probably.
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August 5th, 2008
06:13 pm
the more i think about it, the more i'd like to exercise to get the weight off. it seems like the healthier thing to do. i dont think i'm educated enough about fasting, but it seems like the weight loss is more instantaneous but not as permanant, and almost as if it is a slower rate of loss, than if i could exercise an hour or two a day.
i just cant stand this mental slugglishness!
i need to read required reading materials before school starts!
so, i think i will begin juice fasting.
i've felt weak all day, and i've had a bad headache.
even after eating 3/4ths of a tomato. right now, i'm going to eat the other 1/4th, and in an hour, drink a fresh juice.
i've read about how healthy fasting can be, but a water fast is too intense for me and i'm not convinced if it really is the best form of cleansing.
just..slow..and steady...
i'll continue drinking herbal teas, and i'll begin drinking small glasses of juice.
i've decided to stop trying to plan, and i am going to take this day by day, and just stay in touch with my body, listening to what it's trying to tell me.
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01:38 pm - well
i started feeling too weak and shaky, so i went in the kitchen and didnt feel like making a juice so i ate half of a medium sized tomato.
i'm trying to drink a gallon of water, but it's difficult if i'm trying to sip it all down.
i'm already feeling the clarification, of body, mind.
the thing i like is the slowing down. you slow down and open up to really take everything in and appreciate it.
i'm going to continue and for today, i'll eat the rest of the tomato, and continue drinking herbal tea and water. i'll try again tomorrow at the water fasting, and i wont exercise at all. i'll sit in bed all day, reading, and if i fall asleep, oh well, i sleep.
if i start making myself wake up earlier, i'll get my sleeping schedule back on track.
i dont want to go through my papers until thursday.
i want to show angie the schedule i made for myself for the rest of the summer.
and tell her that i feel like i talk so much, that i would benefit more from listening some times. and i'd like to know what she has to say.
and tell her about my short-term goals, which are to get healthy and get good studying habits. and my long term goals, get a car, and my own place. and ask her what she thinks.
i might use some of my own money to buy myself some things i dont need. i'm thinking about getting a spa package.
i dont feel like doing anything, not even watching a good movie.
i ate a half of the half left of the tomato. i will eat the other half in two hours.
i read that one is not supposed to gulp the water down during a water fast, but i think it better to get all the water in your system, rather than the method, and i do believe i'd feel much better if i could drink the whole gallon of water today, so i'm going to gulp.
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August 4th, 2008
06:57 pm - reminders:
reminders:
take a shower at least everyday.
scrub skin really well, and use no soaps.
whenever temptation sneaks up, remember:
i am not denying myself, and i am giving myself what will help me to be happier, feel better, and live longer and better. what is food but a couple moments of palate satisfaction? physical health is much more satisfaction that that!!!
drink water constantly, even if i am not thirsty.
get up when i wake up, not to an alarm. but, GET UP!
exercise everyday. stretch, walk, do fluid yoga movements, walk up and down stairs, but dont push any further than feels okay. work up to higher intensity cardios, and longer time spans. don't push.
remain peaceful. read books about peace and happiness. listen to music with a positive message.
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12:12 pm - more about goals
wow. figuring all that up just made me really happy, because i can be where i want to be. i can do it. it's not just an impossible dream, or a daydream, it can be real, realistically. this is realistically do-able.
i can be much more physically healthier by december, and probably before.
i can have a car by march, probably before.
i can have my own place by august of next year, probably before.
i'm just allowing myself some leeway,
but even if all this doesnt happen until then, that will still be great! great! great!
man oh man oh man
i dont feel like expressing how happy this makes me
yay yay yay
thats all ive got to say
now, how do i subtract 7000 calories from myself every week?
well, i can burn 500 calories a day, and eat 500 calories less everyday.
right now, my diet consists mostly of fruits, vegetables, nuts, seeds, and whole grains, with some fish occassionally.
and sweets occassionally. and processed foods, occassionally.
my point is, i probably only eat about 1000 calories a day, if that. so, i'll have to cut out the sweets and processed food of course. i'll not eat fish or whole grains, now nuts, for they are hard on the digestive system. i'll probably just knock out seeds while i'm at it.
that leaves....fruits and veggies. so, i'll just have to choose the healthier ones, and eat more vegetables, to consume less calories.
this also means that i have to do at least an hour of cardio everyday, which i dont know if i can hold up to. i'll split that into two 30 minute sessions, or three 20 minute sessions, and for now, i'll do this, until i really notice it becoming too much, and i'll begin giving myself rest days.
i wouldnt under different circumstances, design myself such a rigid exercise program, but i want to get into gear, and into these habits BEFORE SCHOOL STARTS. because school can make it harder to stick to these habits, but it doesnt have to if they are strengthened and deepened and grounded.
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August 3rd, 2008
08:02 pm - thinking things out: health, life, short-term & long-term goals
besides not coping well with my life, (though i didnt know it at the time) i felt well most of the time. though from not coping properly overtime, i developed a repetoire of disorderly conduct in the mind.
i'm remembering all this because whenever i ever get a little happier, i go back to caring about myself, and taking care of myself. i'll start to eat better, and exercise, and think postively, and have motivatiion, and energy. but in the past, it never lasted for very long, and i'd eventually just go back to not caring.
well, now that i'm on anti-deppressant medicine, and not anti-psychotics, which did not help at all, i have control over my emotions, i can think so much more clearly, and i have virtually continuos energy and motivation, so i'm taking much better care of myself, better and better everyday.
and i'm 130 now, 5 years later. though that would seem like a healthy weight to most people, i have a smaller bone structure which is meant to hold less weight. by the BMI index, i am still healthy at 100 lbs. i already know this by looking at my body. back then, i still thought i was "fat" because i wasn't firmed and toned. i exercised a lot, but i had been overweight since i was little, so it was hard for my body to let go of all that fat, i guess. i know i am overweight now, because i can grab handfuls of fat from my thighs and my hips. i couldn't do that when i was 100 lbs. i just jiggled a little when i ran.
i dont want to develop any unhealthy relationships and/or attitudes to food, i've gotten over what small issues i had.
and my concern now is less for my physical appearance, and much more for my health. i've fasted many times now. they're not difficult and i find now that so many people eat so much and they think they cant skip a meal, like they'll starve, when almost all of them can afford it, because they're body would probably benefit from it, it would give their bodies a break and an oppurtunity to use up fat stores. i love the feeling of fasting, and now, i almost get annoyed with the mass-developed-habits of eating frequently, unhealthily, and heapingly. i just want to eat fruits and vegetables, and eat very little, and drink lots of water and tea, i know i would feel so much better, and i can and i do eat this way most of the time, but it is when other peoples' influence comes into the picture that i have a hard time.
anyways, i'm getting off track.
i'm exercising a lot more. i jog often.
i still eat unhealthily here and there.
i know how much better i will fell not only physically, but mentally and emotionally as well if my body was in a healthier state.
i want to lose this 30 lbs. to do it healthly, studies have shown that i can only lose 2 lbs a week.
following this, if i do this right, i can lose it in 3 & 3/4 months. that seems do-able.
i figure, since it's summer, and it's a lot easier to fast right now, i'll fast to get myself in gear. a fast cleans you out and shrinks your stomach and sensitizes your taste buds, and most importantly, gets you more in touch with your body, so that you're more attuned to its needs. this seems to be the perfect first step.
today i ate a smoothie for breakfast, a handful of corn nuts, a veggie sand. on wheat, one half at 2 and the other half at 4, and refried beans, corn chips, and salsa at 6, then, a small bowl of ice cream at 7. not a good pre-fast day, not a good day in terms of diet anyways, but i'm not going to wait any longer.
i've got three weeks before school starts, so i'll water fast for 4 days, any longer, the harm outweighs the benefits, and from there i'll drink herbal teas, and then, juices, later, homemade veggie broths. it will be great if i can continue like that for the next three weeks.
i've promised myself i will jog at least 3 times a week, and do some other type of cardio at least once. i know i can do this, and it's very realistic. actually, it will be easier to eat less and healthier during school, it's just harder to fast because sometimes i feel weak, and sometimes my mental functioning is impaired, and sometimes i get moody, sensitive, and irritable. and sometimes, i get diarhea.
that, and having good study habits this year, (so my time isnt wasted and i actually retain what i learn, and so, hopefully, i will be able to handle having a part-time job, and still get a good score on the SATs) are my short-term goals.
i wouldnt even worry about the job, but i'd really like to have a car before the end of the school year, if not half way through it, and to be able to move out by the summer before my senior year, which is in a year. these are my long-term goals.
i've can get a car before i can get my own place. the least i can spend and get a dependable, used car, is $2000. my grandaddy will match whatever i save. i have about $400 in my savings now. i wont count on my mom helping. i need $600 more to get a car.
if i start working in december, over xmas break, i'll have had a few months to get used to the school routine, my studying routine, and all that jazz, so that i can handle going to school and working.
and i work for two 30 hr wks during xmas break, i'll have another $400.
i'll still need $200 more, which i should be able to make in 2 wks, working 15 hour wks. that means, i'll have made $600 in 4 wks, and i'll be able to get a car by january. that would be great!
from then on, i plan to continue working 15 hour wks for min. wage, which is about $6.65.
and by july, i'll have made about $2250. subtract $500 from that for spending money between febuary and july, and i've got a $1750 nest egg.
this is all so do-able. i can do this!!!
i would wait, so it's easier for me to get better grades and SAT scores because i have more time to study, but school and everything that comes with it, as well as life, will be a lot easier when i have a car. and my own place.
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May 11th, 2008
04:19 pm
Are you able to detect the subtlest of exploitations?
Are you ready, are you willing, to hear a worm scream?
ARE YOU READY TO HEAR A WORM SCREAM?
I am feeling.
Do you feel? Do you still feel?
What do you feel? How do you feel?
HOW DOES IT FEEL?
I don't have the right.
I must be a cocoon.
I miss me. Do you remember me?
I'm not my past.
I am now.
I wasn't much of me then anyways.
or am I dead to you?
How do you know I'm alive?
I don't know if you're alive.
ARE YOU ALIVE?
Was that too much?
No, if it was you just weren't ready
'cos I've got nothing to hide
I'm wide open
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April 5th, 2008
08:38 pm
fuck you. brittany, i would like to say to you, here, now: FUCK YOU!!!! YOU STUPID, FUCKING BITCH! YOU'RE SO STUPID. SO STUPID. YOU'VE BEEN. YOU WONT BE ANYMORE, I WONT LET YOU!! YOU HEAR ME? YOU HOLD NOTHING BACK! NO FUCKING THING. YOU HEAR ME? WHAT ARE YOU DOING? DONT LOSE YOURSELF. KEEP THAT MIND IN ORDER. FILE. FILE. DONT LOSE IT ALL. DONT FALL AWAY. DONT SLIP AWAY. DONT RUN AWAY. YOU'RE OKAY. NOBODY EVEN REALIZES HOW CRAZY YOU ARE IN THERE. HOW CRAZY YOU FEEL. NO ONE EVEN KNOW!!! NOT UNLESS YOU REALLY LET THEM KNOW. YOU JUST MAKE THINGS SO OBVIOUS SOMETIMES. YOU SPILL OUT THOSE BEAUTIFUL GUTS. BEAUTIFUL TO YOU. NOT TO ANYONE ELSE, BECAUSE NO ONE CARES TO HEAR THIS SHIT. OH YEAH, AND STOP BEING SO FUCKING SERIOUS ALL THE TIME. DONT THINK SO MUCH. GET OUT OF YOU'RE MIND! GET OUT OF YOURSELF! GET THE FUCK OUT OF THERE! LAUGH. DONT BE SO AFRAID. DONT HOLD YOURSELF BACK. LOOK AT EVERYTHING YOU'VE MISSED, THE PEOPLE YOU'VE NEGLECTED, OH BRITTANY. YOU'VE BEEN SOOO SOOO SOOO DUMB. SOOO DUMB. I LIKE THE WAY YOU SMELL RIGHT NOW. KEEP THAT SMELL. YOU'RE SO HAPPY. YOU JUST HAVENT LET YOURSELF FEEL IT, ALL ALONG. LIVE YOU FUCKER! LIVE! YOU ARE ALIVE, AREN'T YOU? BECAUSE I'M NOT VERY SURE. STAY AWAKE. DONT SHUT THE EYES. DONT BE SO ANGRY WITH THE BODY. IT WOULD LET YOU OUT, IF IT COULD. I'VE MISSED YOU BRITTANY. WHERE HAVE YOU WENT? WHERE HAVE YOU BEEN? REMEMBER ME? REMEMBER YOU? I LOVE YOU. I LOVE YOU! I LOVEEEEEEEEEEE YOU! BELIEVE IT! YOU'RE STUPID, IF YOU DONT. DONT YOU SEE THIS SHIT YOU'VE BEEN SHITTING ALL ALONG? DO YOU REMEMBER WHAT YOU SAID SO LONG AGO? BUT YOU REMEMBER IT LIKE IT WAS YESTERDAY. YOU SAID, "UNBELIEVABLE." YOU STUPID BITCH. STUPID FUCKING BITCH. I HATE YOU FOR THAT AND ALL THAT OTHER SHIT. YOU DONT KNOW WHO YOU'RE TALKING TO SOMETIMES, WHEN YOU TRY TO SAY THINGS, YOU TRY TO SAY SOMETHING TO MANY DIFFERENT PEOPLE, YOUR COMMUNICATION IS LACKING, 'S JUST BAD. YOU'RE HUNGRY, YOU'RE STARVING. DONT YOU LOVE NIRVANA? WHY HAVE YOU FUCKING DEPRIVED YOURSELF?
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February 16th, 2008
06:54 pm
I feel the expanse of my eyes' sight widening to everyday's brighter sunrays.
There are so many words to say, but I think so much of everything, I've lost that ability to be in the present moment, oh don't worry- I'm still highly sensitive and receptive, but as in reacting to "the moment".
I'm beginning to love myself again. I know I never should have tried to be "in a relationship" so soon- I'd only just recovered, just began to be able to be out and open with people, and most of all, able to love myself.
I can let go of guilt, regret, anger, hurt, and shame, as well as other such things of course.
I've missed writing about myself and those people who are a part of me and I, a part of them, and all of our lives and how they affect us, and everything like that. What I haven't missed is the obsessing, the analyzing, the dwelling, and the places my mind would take me when I let it lead me. There are three seperate entities in here (that I know of), and those are my soul, my mind, and my heart. They don't live together well. My soul drains away in love because of the mind that shouts and screams at it and the heart that wails.
I've found not to put my faith anywhere but myself, and I know I can trust myself. I've doubted it a great deal in the past, though no longer do I consider myself an enemy of mine. I still take all the blame for almost everything, but I know I am my own savior. I've never looked for someone else to save me, and no one has ever really tried. Maybe, Amber. Maybe, Ellen. Amber in large part. Amber, she could have if I would have let her. I've wanted to save others, Amber, but I couldn't even save myself then, but I do not beat myself to a pulp over it. I am not mush!
From what I've found, I've gathered that we must save ourselves.
Now, I've gotten distracted as I do when I write like this. Okay, so much just aches to see the light of birth.
What I was going to type, that was..I made myself a pizza, I used cream cheese. As I ate it I thought to myself, "This is disgusting." But, I've been doing that a lot lately, so I just ate it anyway. I had to eat something, and pizza had looked so good, and I made it, and there was no one else to eat it, and I very much hate wasting and throwing away perfectly good food. You know what I did- I ate it. On with you horrible story-telling told story! So, I ate it. It was gross. Then, I thought, "...well, a nice coconut cupcake would be nice." I attempted it, but because I don't like recipes and I'm not sure of the chemistry difference between cake and bread, well, you cna guess it. Yes, I made coconut bread, and I tried to eat that, and though it was gross not because of lack of sufficient taste but lack of cake-making knowledge, I ate it. That whole hate-to-waste shit. Ha! Well, I probably wouldn't waste shit either.
So, I was playing some good music, and couldn't help dancing. I danced, and thrashed that food around a bit, and then you know what I did? I got the idea in my head that a hot cinnamon bath would be delightful and I could light a cinnamon candle and use my cinnamon soap and oh how lovely it would be. I do this sometimes, I forget my own life, and I live for feeling instead of thinking about living. I can be very impulsive at times. This was a time.
I took a bath, I got very hot, I could feel my heart's beats through my back and down my arms and when I got up half an hour later, I was dizzy. Breath was hard to catch. Being nauseous, I leaned over the toilet bowl, and prepared myself for puking. I don't dislike bodily functions or disfunctions, what am I saying- yes I do. I dislike body. Well, what I really don't like about this puking business in particular is seeing what was inside me outside of me, as it is coming out of me no less. It's not fair. I can't get out, why should the pizza be allowed?
Well, I didn't puke, much to my dismay. You know as well as I do, it usually happens that promptly following a good puke, one feels much better than before when one felt as though (s)he could puke. So, puking is the antidote to that horrible inconstitution, usually. That is, when you can make yourself, or yourself makes you, puke. I couldn't.
You know what I did? No, you don't.
I felt horrible for a bad hour or almost two. I feel I may never eat again. This seems like myself's way of setting myself up for what myself's known I should do for awhile- detox.
So I shall.
I still feel very weak and I took that bath a little before the five'o'clock. I won't be angry with myself. Myself is just doing me a favor. I may not have detoxed like I was planning to, I may have taked myself out of it. Obviously, myself predicted such coquetry and made sure otherwise. All right.
By the way, that is one of my new affirmations- all right.
Now for some Jewel, because I haven't listened to her in quite a while.
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December 19th, 2007
09:14 pm
Too many notebooks, papers fill my floor, the words have become useless, an empty reflex, isn’t really good for me, nothing comes of it, I can never give my words away, why I’m so stingy soon I think I may find, you see, me, and life are strangely out of order, I’m waiting for change, actually, I’m just stalling, so you may be exposed to my lovely friends, my flaws, and run, run, run away…I know this well, I do it all the time, but though I fear, I’m going to stop running, turn around and fight.
Has this thing already been fed? Given all of the left-overs and is so full, cannot possibly indulge the sweet small things that will be swept away soon. Yes, you’ll be swept away. I was on the plate and the hungry thing, he stirred me into a bowl and lapped me up, and he wanted more and more. Now, he comes back, without asking. He doesn’t want to taste anymore. He plays with his food, dips his eyes into me. Wait? You were gone for so long, why have you come back? Now, that I’ve become. And why do your eyes look like they can save me. Do you want to remember me? Is that what this is? Save me in there, save me in there. The floor felt very slippery, I thought I might swim through the cracks and escape. Your eyes followed me out the door; did I lose again? I don’t see opportunity often. I do, but I’m not in it, I see it as something separate from me. I’m not a person right now, I’m not ready to show myself to someone yet. No one can wait!!! Well, maybe they would if you’d give the petting zoo animals something to taste. They’re all so small in their tiny key-hole cages. I sit in the lock and watch, it was very dark outside that night. Trees seem to take up many memories in my life- this tree, that tree, and that one, no, You’re not ready not me not me. This feels like a very steep hill, I’m going somewhere without moving at all, a fall is not a slip over the edge you don’t have to plummet without asking, ask me. What did you want me to say???? What can I say, I’m starving, but it feels very nice not to have worms in heart, he had worms in his heart, oh, I forgot he took me out and parked by a lake, the grass was everywhere, and the sun was stinging. My toes danced that night, in the steamy fog. Memories……won’t ever leave me. Won’t you go away, I want to be here right now, not back there with you, I can’t find her if you’re smiling at me like that, because you look like you won’t hurt, and she looks like she’s happy, I should leave her to be. If she is what makes her happy, why should you cause her burden?
Life you like to surprise me, jack in the box around every corner, his smile popped up out of the book, I wasn’t reading and he said hello and how are you doing, why don’t we ever say something real? I will, if you’ll let me.
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December 10th, 2007
09:18 pm
i've found it very hard to write. i dont like a lot of what i write. but then, the ideas the thoughts the memories the moments are forgotten. just now, there was something i really wanted to write about but i debated with myself if i actually would or not and in my hesitation, it sneaked away. i wont say i'm great, i'm not, but i'm getting there. it's all a state of mind. ha, mind states. oh, eveything can be very funny, if you'd only just laugh. i'm happy. because i say i will be, because i know i am, i just cant see it. but i do. i do. it's gonna be okay. you see, i think maybe i've filled my life with some really beautiful people, one, oh, i cant tell her because i might influence or jeopardize happiness she could have somewhere else, but then could i hurt by not declaring, but i can show you, i can express it, cant i? i know i can, i just havent figured out how, i havent but, please, dont go way from me. stopl, brittany. you're asking for so much and not giving anything. you're sitting back, passively, using excuses as devices to confuse yourself and others. why were you so distorted? dont take so many cold baths, you get so cold, you get so murky, the mirrors get so foggy, and when you wake up, you've shriveled up into a mound of wrinkles. i smile now, whenever i remember to. i try not to smile if i really cant find anything to smile about but i've found, it's something very difficult to be so blind. i love. i just love and i love so much. something odd, i've realized i do. i think of myself with eyes all around, the eyes of those i love. and when i close my eyes, it's all of their eyes i see, and this is very scary you see, to see they can see me, and i can let them, if i turn on the light. and i can. i have to write much better. but i wont write about things like that here. i dont even know why i'm writing here. brittany, you are not doing your homework. you'll be up until midnight atleast, doing your homework. because you've been sitting here for awhile, watching funny excerpts from silent films, and thinking of being in a park with someone who wont talk but who will just see everything and all of its beauty, and listening to french love songs and watching hundreds of balloons bounce around in the sky. there should be a better expression of impression, than "Beautiful!" "Wonderful!" or "Wow" or "Oh man" or "anything else said so usually, conveniently.." So many do not dig for words, for too easily can they pluck from what they find crawling on the surface.
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November 8th, 2007
08:54 pm
atapit (at.zu.peet)
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October 29th, 2007
09:30 pm - The bird of paradise alights only upon the hand that does not grasp.
Slow down and enjoy life. It's not only the scenery you miss by going too fast - you also miss the sense of where you are going and why.
To be stupid, selfish, and have good health are three requirements for happiness, though if stupidity is lacking, all is lost.
If we cannot live so as to be happy, let us least live so as to deserve it.
The foolish man seeks happiness in the distance, the wise grows it under his feet.
I am a kind of paranoiac in reverse. I suspect people of plotting to make me happy. (Aw, isn't that cute.)
True happiness is of a retired nature, and an enemy to pomp and noise; it arises, in the first place, from the enjoyment of one's self, and in the next from the friendship and conversation of a few select companions.
Nobody sees a flower - really - it is so small it takes time - we haven't time - and to see takes time, like to have a friend takes time.
I like that kind of writing, so true you know no thought was put into it.
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October 15th, 2007
09:58 pm
Ringing any light-bulbs?
Blossoming from the ceiling.
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October 9th, 2007
09:02 pm
i think i might be free.
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October 2nd, 2007
10:15 pm - be quiet. i'm finding me
keeping my mind awake.
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September 30th, 2007
08:04 am - Enter my mind
the very first thought
to enter my mind
as I woke up this morning.
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September 25th, 2007
08:15 pm
if I could be over there I know I could somehow do something, but I'm sitting here useless. why are you staying on the phone with me and we aren't even saying anything- i don't know what to think or say, do. except, maybe...
maybe, i could be happy. i will.
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September 24th, 2007
05:46 pm
Stop talking. Remember who you love. Stay still.
There is no evil, only fear. And even fear is fictional.
And everyone is afraid.
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your_sin_is_me's journal