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Not just dreaming - 3:37

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August 6th, 2008

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03:41 am - 3:37
if i pay attention to how i feel, i feel weak, but if i can distract myself from how i feel by absorbing myself in reading, i forget to feel myself feeling weak.

i could try to go on like this a couple of days, or i could juice.
juice.

my body needs to be in a much better condition before i take on something intense like this.

it's decided. i'm stopping.

i have problematic mental/emotional issues i'm still getting through, i cant sleep, this isnt good for me, not now, later on down the road, maybe.

i started feeling very anxious, and hallucinatory. i just want the day tp hurry up and come so i can see sunshine and drink juices.
if i hadnt learned so much about coping and coping skills, this experience could have been a disaster. i am just not letting my imagination go, i have control!

i went down stairs just now and got a handful of grapes and washed them. i am noticing now that this really wasnt a good idea. my paranoia/ocd thought patterns crept in and got me thinking about maybe i shouldnt eat the grapes because they'll have pesticides on them even if i wash them really well the tap water has chlorine in it.
i wish it wasnt so expensive to eat all organic. i want to eat all organic.
i think i'm going to mention to granny and granddaddy later on about buying a tap-water purifier. i dont recall what they call those things.

i've accomplished the appreciation of taste and the sensitivity of my body and my attunement to it. i fully recognize the value of food, as it trully should be valued, and that is as our life-fuel, as nourishment, and nothing else.

i dont think i'd ever taken so long to eat a tomato. and i know i've never taken this much time and effort to savor and appreciate a handful of grapes.

it's now 4:12.
i ate probably about 10 grapes for at least 12 minutes. probably longer, i just didnt look at the time. but, i know it was before 4.

two more hours and i can go down stairs and have a juice. i'll have a carrot juice probably.

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[User Picture]
From:[info]blueyz72
Date:August 6th, 2008 10:24 am (UTC)
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Just linked over from natural living since it seems comments are frozen on your post.
Your age and weight I defintely wouldn't suggest a water fast. If you really want to do something I juice feasting might be better. Also, there is a raw_vegan community on LJ that might be more helpful on things like this or forum on GoneRaw.

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